Today I start my first day of my 28th year. The first day, as they say, of the rest of my life. And 27 years since I was a corpulent little infant, I would like to share with you 32 things I’ve learned. To compare notes, so to speak.
Here they are, in all their absolutist glory and non-random order.
- Sooner or later, everyone comes face to face with God. In the end, that’s all that ever mattered.
- The battle of the sexes is a lame excuse to keep us selfish.
- It doesn’t matter where you fall from; when you hit bottom, it hurts all the same – Lazarus.
- Religion might be the opiate of the masses, but TV is their full-blown concussion.
- The Human Comedy is that people spend their lives worrying about things that don’t matter, and, surprisingly, they all know it.
- Then again, people once thought that the Earth was flat.
- More often than not, atheism is a grudge against God.
- There is no such thing as a free thinker.
- Military Intelligence is often a contradiction in terms. (Peace, dude)
- The chicken came first.
- When a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it, it does an a capella version of “Strangers in the night”.
- Nietzsche was wrong.
- Watching the night sky puts things back into perspective.
- Living for yourself is not living at all.
- People make the same mistake for fifty years, and then they call it life experience.
- It was never your life, because you were given it.
- The Human Tragedy is that we laugh at things that are not funny.
- Sometimes, healing means burning ‘til it hurts.
- Those who measure Success by degrees, money and social status have truly failed.
- Fear him who speaks of scientists, but not of Science – Lazarus.
- Pure Science is a headless chicken.
- God demands the central place in our lives because there is no other viable alternative.
- Looking out for Number One is a dangerous business, because Number One doesn’t care.
- Political Correctness is going to rot the teeth of society.
- Forget the mistakes of History and you’re bound to repeat them.
- When Religion failed us, we turned to Humanism. When Humanism failed us, we turned to Cynicism. When Cynicism failed us, we turned to the hippies. When the hippies failed us, we turned to Post-Modernism. When Post-Modernism failed us, we turned to Nihilism. When Nihilism failed us, we turned the TV on. Now we have Twitter.
- We’re running out of excuses.
- When the world is run by a generation that grew up more concerned about celebrities than real people, read Revelation.
- Read Revelation anyway.
- Terrorism is now a swearword as much as it is a brand logo. Like Mr Young said: Keep on rockin’ in the free world.
- Love survives both Faith and Hope.
- It’s not too late yet.
Hate me and hear me.