Five things I learned at school

May 17, 2011 ~ spesaeterna

I was educated in a little country that’s currently taking the world down with it. I am thankful to have gone to school there and to have received an education. But looking back at it – and after a lengthy discussion with friends about education in general – I can distil out five elements that characterised and still characterise school education there – and in most countries too.

The only appropriate format for learning is: Teacher stands in front of class and talks for 45 minutes, you read your textbook, you learn the lesson, you can successfully recite it next time. If you fail to learn with this format, you’re either lazy or stupid. Either way, we can’t help you.
The purpose of education is to achieve the highest grades and get into university (and then get a great job, right?). Whether or not you enjoy the subject should not affect your performance.
Knowledge is good, but unless it’s certified and approved by your accredited institution, it’s worthless.
Even though you are receiving a broad education, there are only three subjects that have value: Math, Science, and Language/Literature. The rest are just filler. If you’re not performing well in those three core areas, you’re either lazy or stupid. Either way, we can’t help you.
Your generation has everything ours didn’t (books, clothing, canned tuna etc). Therefore you have no excuse for not achieving top marks consistently and in every single subject. If you fail to do this, you’re either lazy or stupid. Either way, we can’t help you.

Eight preacher types to avoid

April 16, 2011 ~ spesaeterna

Disclaimers:

i) I have been guilty of most of these the few times I’ve ever preached. But even though I can think of a specific example for each one of these types, this list is for humorous purposes only. If they go beyond humour, I leave it to the reader to decide why.

ii) There are tons of other types we could add here. There are tons more to be said about these types. I’m just trying to be broad and brief. If you think of anything to add, then comment and we’ll draw up another list. Remember, this is filed under “Humour”.

The seminary grad. You can almost see him practising in front of the mirror last night. You can almost see the homiletics textbook he’s using. Alliteration, three points, attention to fine points of theology unrelated to the sermon. Tries too hard and ends up flustered. If only he’d gone for simplicity. Result: You feel like you’ve been to a theology PhD defence.
The scholar. Lots of grammar. Lots of Greek, Hebrew, 16th century German/French and Latin. Without translation. Some Ugaritic thrown in for good measure. Quotes obscure fellow scholars. Laughs at esoteric field jokes. Goes off on quiet mumbles. Takes notes of new thoughts while he speaks. Result: you feel like the student who didn’t study for the test.
The drill instructor/coach. Lots of “on your feet, soldier”. Lots of war/battle metaphors. Heavily focused on human responsibility and much less on God’s grace. Grace is for sissies. Little sympathy for those who are down. They just need to, well, “get on their feet”. He’d have the congregation up and marching if he could. Result: you feel a few inches further away from God than before the sermon. Also, your face hurts for some reason.
The supernova. Burns bright and hot, but blinds everyone in the process. Lots of shouting. Lots of emotion. Crying. Laughing. Dancing. Breaks into spontaneous song. Lots of “let me hear you say amen/hallelujah/other Hebrew word. Result: Blind and burnt.
The stand-up. Lots of jokes and “amusing anecdotes”. Everything is sunny-side up. Does imitations. Can’t read half a passage without crackin’ a funny. Things like sin and holiness and other killjoy matters don’t register on the radar much. Result: You feel like you’ve been to a comedy club. And it wasn’t good. It wasn’t good.
The relevant. Pop culture references abound. Even references to pop culture that no-one gets. Peroxide hair. Thick-rimmed glasses. Casual. Might hold Venti latte. Open MacBook Air while he speaks. More Hollywood that Holy Word. He’d juggle live alligators while riding a unicycle if he thought that would lend validity to his message. His message? Jesus be cool y’all. Or something like that. Result: Huh? Sorry, I was tweeting the whole time.
The politico. As far as he’s concerned, Jesus came to earth to promote Fair Trade coffee, address social injustice, free Tibet and boycott Nestlé. The Bible was written to empower us for social change. Doesn’t matter what social setting we’re in; there’s always something wrong with the world. Lots of hot-button issues. The ultimate exegesis for every passage always leads mysteriously to something in the news. Result: Angry mobs. Either way.
The postmodern. It’s all about the meta-narrative. The purpose is the journey, not the destination. Truth is relative. No absolutes, except that there are no absolutes. Inherent contradictions ignored. It’s all good – if there was such a thing as good. Result: There’s no such thing as a result. Results are so modern.

What I’ve learned from social networking

March 31, 2011 ~ spesaeterna

Privacy is a fluid concept.
Writing about your latest toilet experience will generate more interest than writing pretty much anything else. Except maybe someone else’s toilet experience.
Spam lives on – now in even more languages!
The same people that always fell for “Forward this email to everyone you know!” scams are the same people falling for the “share this with everyone you know!” scams. And Farmville.
Extroverts love social networking because it feeds their life force.
Introverts like social networking because it protects their life force.
Have you heard of “letters”? I think it’s what they’d send with carrier pigeons.
If you “Like” someone’s comment on FaceBook, you will receive notifications on every comment thereafter until the day you die. This is cause for war.
Social networking has given us a tool to achieve things we wouldn’t have thought possible ten years ago. Like…
…um…
…sharing photos! Oh… wait….
…poking! Uh…
…well, there was a reason why we hadn’t thought them possible ten years ago.
Just because something crosses a neural synapse in your brain every 0.5 nanoseconds, it doesn’t mean you have to tweet it.
How many times did you check your FaceBook account since you started reading this list?
Social networking is changing the world faster than ADD on Twitter. But it’s not too late yet.