Hi there! If you are reading this, it’s either because you are wondering what I’m doing, or you got lost on your way to YouTube. If you belong to the former category, I’ve prepared for your convenience a quick list of his news, which you can get through in 10 seconds if you only read the words written in BOLD. Bonus points if you discover the magic phrase!

Here we go…

“I am writing a doctorate Thesis.”

A statement like that should go a long way in explaining why I haven’t written an entry, or anything else for that matter, in three weeks. It’s also what I tell people when they ask me why I haven’t acrrued the fortunes of Croesus as I rapidly approach 29. There is a certain mystery enshrouding those words that effectively stops any further enquiries concerning the direction of my career/finances/life, and is merely followed with that bland nod of the head and change in conversation that we all have come to love and abuse. “I am writing a doctorate Thesis” – if you use those words, make the most of it. And if all the above means nothing to you, then you’ve never done a PhD.

“I am looking for a job.”

Well, sort of. Applications for Research Fellowships (aka “Postdocs”) have been submitted, fingers have been crossed, hopes have been grown, and doors have been shut. Almost all of them so far. It’s one of the reasons I have temporarlily suspended agency submissions for my novel – there are only so many rejections you can handle while “writing a doctorate Thesis.” Like my good friend History-PhD Nikos says, “the words I’ll need for after I get my PhD are ‘do you want french fries with that?’ We’ll get there, man, we’ll get there – eventually, every Professor retires.

“The Internet hates me.”

Really. Monday, my connection is fine. Tuesday, it’s fine. Wednesday, it’s gone. Boom. Barely there. Why is that important? Because when you’re “writing a doctorate Thesis” from home, you might occasionally need to download a paper, and send emails to your supervisors. Yes, and surf the Web sometimes – there, I said it and there’s no shame to it. Man can’t take a break from hours of adjusting graphs, tables, figures and making four years of data look like he’s single-handedly saved the world – nay, the UNIVERSE? That’s where a little Web-browsing comes in hand. Keep in touch with the world you’ve just saved. Anyway, the lack of it is registered as yet another hurdle in this Oddysey we call “my PhD”.

“I see dead people”…

…at the British Museum. Seriously. Mummies. Sarcophagi. Tombs. Sculls. Skeletons. They even had an entire excavated grave with the dead guy still inside, nicely preserved. Imagine that: thousands of years after you die, they dig you up and put you in a fishbowl for all the world to see. Bet that organ donor card looks real tempting now, huh? We visited the Museum last week with Mojgan, whilst in London taking a break from “writing a doctorate Thesis”. Mojgan was surprised to find half of Persepolis in there, while I, proud Greek that I am, cast a saddened eye on the Parthenon marbles that Lord Elgin stole in the 19th century from Athens. I’m sorry – did I say “stole”? I meant “plundered”.

I wanted to show some pictures, but with my current Internet speed I would get tenure before they uploaded.

Well, that’s pretty much it.

No really. That’s it. I wish I had more stuff/time to write, but I can’t. Why? Because “I am writing a doctorate Thesis.“