So I walk into a McDonalds and I say to the guy: “Wow, your floor looks so clean. Do you use a vacuum cleaner or just your food?”

Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal, and don’t forget to tip your waitresses.

The blog’s stand-away comedy was sponsored by McDonalds.

McDonalds: Your dog won’t eat it – but then again, they’re not cannibals.

After years of exhaustive and secretive laboratory work we have finally done it! Joining forces with a prodigious colleague from Hong-Kong, we have finally managed to create the first pure sample of… PURPLE. Yes, Purple (symbol: Pp) is known as the Holy Grail of Chemistry, trailing centuries of failed alchemist attempts to create it. Soon it will replace gold as the cornerstone of global economy, and the world as we know it will never be the same again… Surely fame and fortune awaits us.

By the way, you heard it first here.

Our research was funded by the Obscure Science Projects Committee (OSPC) and the Laboratory Entertainment Association (LEA).

OSPC: We’re there. You just can’t see us. Send money.
LEA: Ha. Ha. Ha. Now go do some cloning.

My latest object d’art: a creepy-looking unidentified head from an equally creepy-looking unidentified vegetable. Yeah, I know. At least my Thesis is going well.

UpMic’s works of “art” are generously sponsored by the Write Your Thesis Foundation (WYTF) (www.writethemchapters.com)

WYTF: Weil es sich nicht schreiben wird. Ja.

OK, another pointless blog entry… Some times you just come across a good joke, so funny that you feel that nerdy need to share it with everyone else.

This time it was an episode from the obscure, surreal and random cartoon “Family Guy”. It’s Cookie Monster, that childhood friend from Muppet Show, and he’s in cookie rehab. But that’s not what got me – no. It was when two orderlies hold him down to sedate him while he screams: “You guys are Nazis, man!”

Kudos to everyone involved.

If you don’t believe me, you can watch it here.

In our continuing struggle to promote a higher cultural education, we present you with this rare copy of Rembrandt’s 1632 painting “The Anatomy Lecture of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp”. In this version, the artist hath summoned all his skill to capture a realistic and disturbing view into the psyche of the Amsterdam Surgeons’ Guild – in fact, so clearly doeth he achieve this that it was possible for our exceptional scholars to interpret the innermost thoughts of the characters depicted. NOTE: Thought interpretations may vary, mostly in that we are right and everyone else is wrong.

Click on the image to enlarge!

Today’s message is brought to you by the Higher Cultural Awareness Foundation (HCAF).

HCAF: We put the sap in Homo sapiens.