Something happened last week (early Friday) that rang that wake-up bell in my head and sent me thinking.
In what was by far the most depressing meeting I’ve ever attended, my two supervisors and me finally confirmed the ugly fact that I will not be finishing my PhD in the appointed time save for a miracle (they don’t believe in miracles, of course – I just tend to pay more attention). This means that I will have to land this plane without a salary come next autumn.
It’s not like I didn’t know; I’ve been screeching that sad truth since last year. But that honest assessment and acknowledgement woke me up and reminded me how temporary and fragile everything is, including my life. And also that I should start looking for a job.
It’s ok. This sort of thing happens to me every now and then, and I learn different things each time, even though they are all variations on the One Theme: Faith. Trust. Dependency for Independency and vice versa.
In the end, we’re all just passing through, although we act like we own the place and we’re going to be here forever. Just a thought.
So it’s back to 70 hours per week and seven-day weeks until the end. Because, you know, it’s been so relaxing up to now.
But I am thankful for all the wonderful people around me that have encouraged me through this desperate phase and have stood by me as true friends. And I’m thankful to the God I believe in, Who’s always seen me and pulled me through these things, often kicking and screaming. These are the times when faith is tested and – when it’s founded on Him – it comes out stronger and more effective from the other side.
Your colours show, they say, when the chips are down. And my mine are officially on the table. But I don’t gamble.
For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come. – Hebrews 13:14
“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” – Matthew 6:31-34