In case anyone was wondering why I haven’t made an entry in a while, it’s down to me being ill (flu again – worse than back in December), having lots of work to do (what’s new), some other issues that are occupying my brain lately, and finally some problems with the server that kept my blog out of reach for a while.

Anyway, I hope to be back on soon… watch this space.

Watch it!

It’s the space over here —->

….keep watching….

Something happened last week (early Friday) that rang that wake-up bell in my head and sent me thinking.

In what was by far the most depressing meeting I’ve ever attended, my two supervisors and me finally confirmed the ugly fact that I will not be finishing my PhD in the appointed time save for a miracle (they don’t believe in miracles, of course – I just tend to pay more attention). This means that I will have to land this plane without a salary come next autumn.

It’s not like I didn’t know; I’ve been screeching that sad truth since last year. But that honest assessment and acknowledgement woke me up and reminded me how temporary and fragile everything is, including my life. And also that I should start looking for a job.

It’s ok. This sort of thing happens to me every now and then, and I learn different things each time, even though they are all variations on the One Theme: Faith. Trust. Dependency for Independency and vice versa.

In the end, we’re all just passing through, although we act like we own the place and we’re going to be here forever. Just a thought.

So it’s back to 70 hours per week and seven-day weeks until the end. Because, you know, it’s been so relaxing up to now.

But I am thankful for all the wonderful people around me that have encouraged me through this desperate phase and have stood by me as true friends. And I’m thankful to the God I believe in, Who’s always seen me and pulled me through these things, often kicking and screaming. These are the times when faith is tested and – when it’s founded on Him – it comes out stronger and more effective from the other side.

Your colours show, they say, when the chips are down. And my mine are officially on the table. But I don’t gamble.

For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come. – Hebrews 13:14

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” – Matthew 6:31-34

Well, another tiring week draws to a successful end, and this was, by far, one of the most stressful days ever. Glad to say that something I’ve been bashing at for weeks now has finally worked… ah, what a feeling, the thrill of discovery…

Okay, once more, I don’t have antything deep prepared to write, and I’m really sorry. But, as I said in my last entry, these days have knocked the wind out of me, and I’m still not done. And, even more surprising, these past days (and especially today) I’ve caught myself reverting to some old working habits I developed in the army… yes, you CAN develop things in the army. You know what they say: You never really quit, ha ha.

I think I just need a break to clear my head. I mean, just look at this entry.

Hello ye all,

I’m just putting this entry out there to let you know that, although there’s a lot on my mind these days, none of it can really go into a blog… it’s a combination of tiredness and one of those times in your life where you just have to get your head sorted out, burn what doesn’t matter and keep going. And I’m still doing triage.

Wow. That was easier in writing…

I look forward to getting back.

Here’s a little update on how the job chasing thing is going:

…did you see anything? No? Neither did I.

Okay, okay, so it hasn’t moved an inch since the last time… I’ve been so caught up with all my lab work that I really haven’t got much energy for the challenges of finding a job that will start in ten months at the earliest.

There. I said it. Shoot me.

I’ll tell you though, and I’m sure all of you out there doing PhDs will agree: When they tell you it takes three years of your life, they mean it takes three years OUT of your life. And when you start, you’re too grateful and hopeful and dazzled to realise that little word that’s missing…

No, ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this straightened once and for all: A PhD doesn’t mean that the world is your oyster (I prefer crab myself). It doesn’t mean that you will have fifty employers falling over themselves to hire you, and it doesn’t mean that your life is sorted. In fact, if anyone out there can claim to have his life sorted, I’d like to meet him.

Nope – it’s back to the classifieds and “I believe that I would be suited to this position in terms of productively contributing to your company” and the “I have had ample time to understand myself and assess my strengths and weeknesses. Strengths? Well, I am hard-working, enthusiastic about my projects, disciplined, focused and very much a peoples’ person. Also, I can function effectively under pressure while maintaining both my goals and my co-workers in sight. Weeknesses? I guess… [fake sheepish smile] I am sometimes a little too focused on my work, you know, a little bit of a perfectionist – I suppose I am quite demanding of myself, and that might interfere with other aspects of my life such as my social interactions… [widen sheepish smile and look innocent]“.

Sounds familiar? Just memorise that poem and don’t forget to brush your teeth. The rest, as W.S. said, is silence.

Once you get the job, all that can go out the window.