Today I began officially to look for a job, for after I finish my PhD sometime in October…

It’s a hard pitch so far, what with all the requirements some of these positions have: “The applicant must be an enthusiastic scientist [check], preferably with a background in [insert complicated name of scientific field] and good references [check]. The applicant must also be a researcher of international stature, must have piles of publications in top journals, must be at least a Nobel candidate and must have attempted world domination at least once. Applicants of divine lineage with their own cults will be highly favoured. Miraculous powers a must.”

You’d think that, at this stage, this would be easier. In fact, it was easier to find a job back in the day when all I had going for me was my high-school certificate and a healthy back.

But I shouldn’t complain – yet. Like I said, I just started looking, and God has an amazing way of directing these things in my life. It’s about trust, not CVs… which reminds me, however, that I should continue updating mine. You ever seen an “academic” CV? It runs a few tomes long, with an absurd amount of detailing of every breath you’ve taken in your life…

And of course, at this point, I must rue as I always have:

I should’ve taken gardening.

WHOA! Yesterday I dodged work for a couple of hours and went to do some Christmas shopping, just to contradict my last post.

What a massacre! Fact is, I tend to do most of my shopping online, so I’ve grown unaccustomed to actually going to real shops in the traditional way. Imagine then the shell-shock I underwent yesterday as I fought my way through hordes of mad shoppers, screaming children, Santa Clauses and bewildered staff.

And it wasn’t only that: THE SELECTIONS!!! THE CHOICE!!! Exactly how many different versions of the same book are necessary? How many chemicals must women put on to be “gorgeous”? How many videogames can a teenager play during his teens?

Everywhere I turned I was assaulted by book, album and film posters, each one of them demanding attention, each one of them screaming for my money – “BYE ME”, they yelled; “BYE ME! MAKE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! ME!” Needless to say that after that traumatising experience, my New Year resolution will be to do some therapy.

Eventually, I bought only one item. The ambulance took me away after that.

No punchline philosophy today, except to point out that when you lose the meaning in something, you need a lot of substitutes to fill the gap.

Oh. That was a punchline.

Merry Christmas to you all, although it’s a bit early. I hope you’re all away with your loved ones (I hope you have some – if not, they’re doing a sale down at Marks & Spencer) and enjoying the season, unlike some of us that will probably be working in a lab. And [WARNING: EVIL CHRISTIAN PROPAGANDA AHEAD] I also hope that you remember what it’s there for, and why we still celebrate it two millennia later…

However, in the interest of my beloved Political Correctness, I thought I’d modify the season’s wishes to make everyone happy. So, Happy/Merry Christmas/Xmas/Preferred Doctrinal Affiliation Remembrance/Holiday to everyone, inclusive of men and women in random order and complete equality, without disregarding those NOT celebrating due to ecological, social, political, and/or moral consciousness, disillusionment, debt, disgruntlement, disenfranchisement, discombobulation, or lack thereof.

There. And for the sake of completion, I think we should start making Political Correctness cards, which, of course, will be the size of a poster and will carry a tag saying “DELETE AS APPROPRIATE”.

Finally, I couldn’t leave you without presenting you with the epic, tear-wrenching, supremely lyrical Christmas poem that I wrote. It took me hours.

‘Twas the night before Christmas
and locked in the lab,
a sad little student
was working like mad.

And then he quit.

The End

For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

Once upon a time (two years ago) I found myself in Siena, Italy for a PhD interview. After the 6-hour ordeal was over, I managed to do some sight-seeing. I fell in love with the place… and I got the PhD position too, but had to decline it eventually.

(NOTE: Contrary to popular beliefs, the Tuscan sky is not as white as my camera made it out to be. It’s called “metering” and I’m obviously not very good at it.)